It's that time of year again..

All the lines of the scripts are running together, set to that stupid earworm of a song....  Help!   My Brain is fried!!!

Is a rebound always bad?

We've all heard the warnings... the universal censure of "rebound" relationships.   Bound to fail for a variety of reasons, blah blah blah.

But you know, I'm not sure it's always a bad thing.   When you have a board with a broken nail in it, you can leave that nail in to get all rusty, or you can use a whole nail to drive the broken one out of the hole.   I think that rebound relationships can serve the same purpose, if you let them.   Even if you are not completely over a breakup, a new romance can help drive the remains of the last one out of the hole in your heart so it can heal.   Besides, it can also be fun!

I'm in the process right now of trying to drive out a nail;  one that's stuck in there pretty good.  So I'm MAKING myself look at other men as potential partners, something that I don't typically do even when I'm single.  I generally don't go looking for relationships; to the contrary, I tend to avoid them.   But right now I think that the best thing for me is to entertain the possibility of enjoying being with someone else.   It feels wierd, flirting with guys.  But it also feels good, because in two particular cases, the attention seems to be appreciated.   Are either of them going to progress to a relationship (or even just gratuitous sex)?  I dunno, but that's not the point.   I'm looking for a rebound interest, everything else is just gravy.

Online Dating... The perfect first date!

Ok, So I'm a relative veteran at the online dating world.  I started all the way back when Matchmaker was a telnet address, with text-only profiles.   I've had a fair amount of success, all things considered.  I mean, I've had a countless number of good dates, an even bigger number of bad ones (each of which made for a great story afterward), and a handful of actual relationships.   More than that, there are people in my life that I consider friends (some closer than others) that I met through "dating" websites.   But the real thrill?  Setting up a profile!

It was always fun and exciting to find a new site that you haven't been to yet, and set up your dating profile...  but it wasn't because of all the new people you could be exposed to.  No, after hitting 2-3 sites, you kept seeing the same faces and realized that you were still trying to sell yourself to the same crowd.  No, the fun was actually in the process of filling out the application.  Think about it:  filling out a dating profile is like the perfect first date.   They want to know ALL about you.  They want to admire pretty pictures of you.  They ask you questions, and urge you to answer as completely as possible, and then they ask you MORE!!!  OMG, they're really interested in what I have to say!   It's very alluring to think that guys out there really ARE interested in what your pet peeves are, what your favorite toys were as a child, what your favorite food is, and what you really think of the latest season of Greys Anatomy.  

Problem is, for the most part, it's all downhill from there.   From there, you enter a seemingly endless cycle of guys who (quelle horreur!) DON'T read the profiles you spent six hours composing, and can't seem to figure out where the space bar or shift buttons are when writing to you.

The best, and worst, was eHarmony.  This was in its early years, before it was widely known that it was actually a christian dating service that weeded out anyone who didn't fit their definition of "appropriate".  Anyhow, in addition to the standard upload a few photos and answer a bunch of essay-type questions, you got to actually take a personality test!  And when you were done, it would tell you ALL ABOUT YOURSELF!  Wow!  For anyone with a shred of narcissism in them, this was the motherlode!!!

So I signed up and took the little test after several of my friends had told me about it and the success they were having.  Yes, the initial setup and personality testing was everything promised... but after that, it was the most disappointing of all.   You see, my friends that had signed up were getting 3-5 new matches a DAY.   I was lucky if I got one new match a week, and at the end of the first month, I was hovering at 5 matches.   eHarmony said it was because I was so very unique.  Yeah, ok.  

Thing is, I already knew that I was really only compatible with a relatively small portion of the male population, but I really didn't need for it to be SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN, you know?   

I'd like to say I learned my lesson, but truth be known, every time I get a new email address, I eventually go back and register again.  That personality test is a siren call I just can't resist!

I don't dislike "ni@@ers", I just dislike YOU.

So I'm waiting on the bus today on my way home, and this guy rides up on his bike, gets off, and sits down at the bus stop with me.   I've got my earbuds in, and my nose buried in my phone because I'm in the middle of a text conversation,  so I didn't really pay him much mind.  

Until he started talking.   He starts off by asking me who I think will win tonight, and I'm like "Um, I don't know.  Win what?"  The following conversation ensues:

"Whatchoo mean win what?  Football.  The SAINTS, man, the SAINTS."
"Ah.  I'm sorry, I don't follow football."
"Don't follow football, shee-it"
(I put my earbuds back in)
"You know, I tell you what.  I hate white people.  In particular, I hate white women.  They's bitches."
"Excuse me?"
"You don't watch football?"
"NO"
"Shee-it...  Say, scuse me, is that your bike?"
"Yes."
"You ride it alot?"
no response
"I say, you ride it alot?"
no response
"Say, lady, do you like sex"
DEFINITELY no response
"Ah I see how you are.   You don't like black people much, do you?   I could see by the way you looked at me that you hate niggers."
"I like black people fine.  I just don't like assholes.  And that means I don't like YOU."
"Why you gotta be such a bitch?
"You sit down here and tell me that you hate white women, what do you expect?  You called me a bitch, so fine.  I'll be a bitch.   And you're a fucking asshole."


Jeez.  I gotta get me a car.

Labor Day well spent

Spent the weekend generally trying to take care of myself...   Did some housecleaning Friday, just enough to make me feel productive... But after G and I got done, we sat around trying to figure out why we still felt anxious and dissatisfied.   We felt like there was something that we really would rather be doing... and then we finally figured it out.    Sex.  Yes, Sex.    Her breakup is a little more recent than mine, but still, there must have been something in the air, because both of us were just so sexually charged that we were both in danger of making some very imprudent decisions.

Personally, I am at a bit of a loss as to why - suddenly, after 3 months - my libido comes back with a vengeance NOW.   I ended up spending the better part of Friday night texting and mercilessly teasing a male friend who is significantly younger than myself, one who has admitted to having a bit of a crush on me for years.   Poor guy, he really didn't deserve to be toyed with that way.  But WTF?  Here I was, racking my brain trying to figure out who I could call for a booty call.   The thing that really stopped me is that despite being ready to go out and scrog anything with a pulse and a dick, the fact remains that I am still in love with R.   And were the shoe on the other foot, were HE to succumb to carnal urges and go have a quick screw with someone else, I would be crushed.     So why, if I am still hung up on him, am I so ready to get physically intimate with anyone who will oblige me?   I think it's because, at a fundamental level, I want to feel good again.  And sex feels good.

So, I had to settle for watching a little porn and spending some "quality time" with myself.   Jeez, the things we put ourselves through.